I didn’t notice that I was saying one thing and doing the other
This summer, I looked up at the beginning of June and could already feel that August sensation of “where did the summer go?” So I made a commitment to take advantage of the season. I wanted to be present with my kids.
One small change I decided to make: if I was going to be at the pool with them, then I was going to really be at the pool with them. Head to toe.
Before that, I was getting in with my kids, but I just often didn’t want to get my hair wet (curly hair, am I right?). Then I realized that a great hair day was not going to make my day a 10/10, while having fun with my kids could.
What happened in the water
My son is 4. He liked being in the water, and he was having fun, but in June he was stuck on the steps. Terrified of actually trying to swim.
I had been on the steps with him, encouraging him to blow bubbles and fetch dive toys. He was digging his heels in, refusing.
The same day I committed to always being fully in the water with the kids, I saw him change how he was playing. I was surprised.
That first day, he was willing to blow bubbles with me and put his eyes under the water with goggles on. The second day, when we came back, I convinced him to put his ears under. The third day, he was putting his whole head under. About two weeks after I started getting fully into the water with him, he was willing to swim to me a couple of feet out from the wall.
What dry hair was telling him
I wasn’t thinking about the signal I was sending. It’s not like I had been ignoring my kids when I was keeping my hair dry. I was in the water, splashing and playing with them.
He needed the commitment signal from me in order to feel ready to do something brave and new.
By not getting my hair wet, I was communicating that going underwater is not fun. It’s not something you want to do.
When I switched, I started silently saying, “This is fun. I like doing it. Swimming is great.”
I couldn’t explain to him the value of a great hair day or that I know how to swim. He didn’t see the choice I was making and what I was weighing when I got in the water. He could only understand what he saw in front of him.
I was telling him “go underwater, it will be fun!” He wasn’t listening to my words.
The shallow end at work
We all do what my son did. We look at what other people are doing and read their feelings and intent from their behavior.
One product leader I talked to was encouraging a lot of AI use but not going deep into it themselves. They were using ChatGPT conversations in the web interface to move their thinking forward or draft something, and then copy-pasting. Meanwhile, they were asking their teams to build prototypes and be deep in the CLI versions of these tools.
By staying in the web interface, they weren’t getting their hair wet.
In the AI transformations I’m working on, I’m seeing lower adoption on the teams where the leader isn’t aggressively using the cutting edge of the tools.
The team sees what the leader does. That holds for any change you’re asking a team to make, whether it’s a new tool, a new process, or a new way of planning.
Show that you’re having fun
How do you actually show that you’re getting your hair wet?
Demos.
I’ve spent the last several months working on AI adoption at a 50-person product organization. I’ve seen that the leaders who include demos in their team meetings (either of work they’re doing or work their team is doing) have better and faster AI adoption and skill growth than teams that use none of their meeting time for demos.
It’s not about one single demo. It’s about continuous demos and repeating the messages. It’s one of the things that got us to 95% meaningful AI adoption (people using it actively, regularly, and to produce better work). If a particular change is important, show that you’ve made it too. That applies whether it’s a new template for product briefs, a new tool for reporting, or a new skill to level up.
Look at the changes you’re asking of others. Then ask if you’re showing them that it’s important to you too and worth your time.
Even if you know how to swim, you need to show that it’s still fun to learn to swim.